idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
