u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
