Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
