i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize