I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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