I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
