We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
