According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize