Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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