I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
false alarm. still invincible.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
