writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
