You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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