i think my mom watched the whole time
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
