He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
