hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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