i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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