she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
