my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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