some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
