420 ftw
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
