Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
