Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
