Quick, to the slutcave!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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