I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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