i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize