grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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