thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
