According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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