you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
