I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
