Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All the doctor said was why
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
