in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
