she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
