If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
