there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
