Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
