Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
