I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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