Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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