my phone needs a breathalizer
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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