I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize