yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am midnight drunk by noon
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
