I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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