I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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