Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
