you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His hands were made for my vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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