it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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