If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
