Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
