Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
