dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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