So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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