Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
