I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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