When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
