need another drink. this is the easiest way
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
