im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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