ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize