Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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