There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
