I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize