and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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