please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
