Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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