There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
