when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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