Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wear drunk well.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
