Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
