i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize