so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
