So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
